Going Retro: On Men…and Boobs

“What are you so deep in thought about, Sue?”

“Oh, I’m sitting here contemplating the complex mind of the male species…”

“I’m fairly certain you’re overcomplicating matters. I mean, the very fact that you believe they could be an entire species unto themselves…”

“Boobs…”

“Is what they think of, or what you’re naming their species? I need a little more to go on…”

“That’s all Mark ever thinks about. My boobs. And maybe football.”

“Did you ask him that…what he was thinking about?”

“Yeah, but he just glances down at my chest and mumbles, ‘Nothing…’.”

“Maybe that’s really what he’s thinking about when you ask…nothing. People can get pedantic like that, given a chance. And why are you complaining if their your boobs?”

“Katie, do you need something? Because you’re not really helping.”

“Boobs.”

“Excuse me?”

“According to you, I need boobs – if men are going to be thinking about me.”

“I didn’t say they’d be thinking about you, Kate. Just your boobs.”

“Good enough. Look, Sue, you’re convoluting this. Go to a game. Take your boobs. Talk to Mark instead of wondering what he’s thinking. If he says nothing, give him something to think about.”

“Oh, I forgot. You’re the expert on this topic.”

“I am sociologically versed on what you call the male species concerning War and Sexual Selection Theories. You want Markcelot to sweep you off your feet like a hairy girl when his biology tells him to woo you long enough to cause your boobs to swell, then go off to war to protect your other assets. Football’s about as aggressive as he’s allowed to get in that cozy recliner. And who else is there to battle besides the mid-forties bulge? Give the poor guy a break.”

“Give him a break? And my dreams?”

“Go get in a good psychological nap, sis. Statistical odds say you have a 67% better chance of dreaming than him anyway. If that doesn’t work, try a romance novel.”

“Katie…you’re the boob!”

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And the prompt for Trifecta Week Seventy-Eight is: BOOBS.  Okay, not really.
This week’s word comes from Karen is Muttering:
: of, relating to, or being a pedant(see pedant)
: narrowly, stodgily, and often ostentatiously learned

Please remember:

  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • If you know your post does not meet the requirements of the challenge, please leave your link in the comments section, not in the linkz.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.

This week’s challenge is community judged.

  • For the 14 hours following the close of the challenge, voting will be enabled on links.
  • In order to vote, return to this post where stars will appear next to each link.  To vote, simply click the star that corresponds with your favorite post.
  • You can vote for your top three favorite posts.
  • Voting is open to everyone. Encourage your friends to vote for you, if you wish, but please don’t tell them to vote on a number.  The numbering of the posts changes regularly, as authors have the ability to delete their own links at any time.
  • You have 14 hours to vote.  It’s not much time, so be diligent! We’ll send out reminders on Twitter and Facebook.

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The “Retro Lazy-Boy Stylish 880 recliner” image (circa 70′s) that I’ve personally entitled

Catering to Your Man’s Dreams…”

is located at: 

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4066/4518189734_d1048483c5.jpg

Life After Death

My life began with a funeral. How strange is that? To one day wake up and come to the realization that you’ve stopped living altogether?

How many times for the past year and a half had I come out here? How many times had I walked this shoreline, stood on this dock, my eyes intently searching for something my heart didn’t want them to find? I’d been locked away in that day far too long. Each and every morning since then, I’d gotten up early and stumbled groggily into the kitchen, expecting to find him there, getting himself ready to leave for his big fishing day. I’d squeezed my eyes shut on all occasions, imagining his crooked smile as he passed me a cup of coffee and leaned in to brush back my tangled hair. I’d experienced the brush of his lips on my forehead. I’d heard his voice teasingly refer to me as “sleepy-head” while grabbing his gear and heading toward the door. Then, once more, he’d be gone.

At least three times a week, I’d frantically exit my car, sometimes forgetting my jacket, once my shoes, hands shaking as I’d close the car door and look around. When I’d been sure no one else was listening, I’d call out his name, praying this was all a huge mistake. Just because his boat was overturned, couldn’t he have come up somewhere else, on another bank? Couldn’t he have forgotten who he was if the boat bumped his head? Maybe he’d remember, and…what if I wasn’t here, the last place he recalled being, when he came back? Or what if he remembered where our home was, and then I wasn’t there when he returned? He might think he was mistaken and leave forever.

For these past 18 months, I’d not been confident of where to be…who to be…how to be. Until this past week. When a knock came at my door, my heart skipped three beats. What if it was him? By the time I got the lock undone, I received the news I’d long been waiting to hear. My beloved. He’d come home to me, after all. Except he wasn’t the same. He’d never be the same.

Part of him will remain with me always. Today, I will scatter part of him here, in the place he has been residing throughout my angst. It only seems right. He loved it here. Maybe that’s why he chose to stay so long. I watch as his ashes lift off from the dock, into the breeze, then settle back into his eternal resting place.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I’ll come again to check on you,” I assure him.

“But not for awhile, I think. Now that I’ve found you, after all my searching, I’ve decided it’s time…time for me to go now – to go and find myself.”

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This week’s Speakeasy prompt is:

The photo you see above +
“My life began with a funeral.”
First line provided by Stephanie,
winner of the speakeasy #109.

***

For those of you holding on tightly to the past,
I would encourage you to go search out a new tomorrow.

Gray sand peas, -jody

Googling Thyself Gives Greater Gasps than an Eye-sore!

Have you ever Googled yourself? I can fairly easily find myself in written works, but it was just this weekend that I thought about filtering by image only. Still not sure if this was a good idea, so that makes it all the more reason to share in a blog, right? Let me just go ahead and tell you, the results weren’t always pretty. In some instances, I might have even considered (figuratively) gouging my eye out!

If it wasn’t bad enough that I’ve had to live with remarks throughout my life such as, “Jody Loooove. Isn’t that the name of a porn star?”…now I can simply respond, “Yup, sure is.”

So, were you to google “me”, here are some of the things you might find:

Nope, uh-uh. Not me. (Though this photo alone could cause a drastic increase in blog hits this week.)

In full disclosure, I don’t ever recall lying around nude on a cracked desert floor with nightfall closing in – at least not with that color of toenail polish.  (Come to think of it, this would rate a perfect 10 on a statistician’s favorite joke list: “Hey, do you know what you get when you lay a naked model on a scorching desert floor with the chill of nightfall closing in? Well, she’d be pretty comfortable, on average.”)

If you’re wondering why I would have begun with this pic, this was the least risque of the photos that surrounded my initial search.

Once again, in case you came here because of the above photo. Not me. Which brings me to the next thought…I wonder how strange it is for a nude model or a porn star mom when her kids run across these things online? No, make that her kids’ friends. Life stinks for those kids, I guess, especially if they’re boys and their male friends start referring to their mother as a…well, you get the picture. Literally.

Bloody-nosed mess…

Well, then this pretty much came next. Again, not me. What a relief, right? I’m thinking so. Otherwise, I may need to go get my hormones checked. Or at least schedule an upper lip wax.

And what’s with this Logo, ‘Just Mugshots‘?

I’ve heard of a company ‘Just Foods’ (without all the additives, I presume). Then there’s this other company called ‘Just Sinks’ (I suppose that’s all they sunk their money into). Oh, and there’s some literary agency called ‘Just Think’ (which could’ve been a good logo to adopt before the need for the mug shot came about, I guess)…

But are JUST mugshots ALL this company does? That might JUST Stink – especially for the kid who keeps getting into trouble JUST before the picture-taking time of the school year. Maybe his mom JUST asks for a 5 X 7 from the processing area to frame. (Come to think of it, this might JUST be better than some every one of those school photos I’ve ever had taken.)

What I’m actually asking is…does ‘JUST’ mean they don’t add touch-ups even though you’re still supposed to be considered innocent at this point (because you’re JUST being processed & the fact that you’ve been paraded in a magazine for everyone who comes into the ‘Hop On In’ to smirk at you doesn’t mean anyone wanted you to be considered guilty yet)? Or was it completely JUST of them to make your photo look as scary as criminally possible, so nobody else would want to mess with you in the slammer if you JUST so happened to make the Jailhouse Wall of Fame?

Just sayin’…

Now here’s a better possibility, all things considered. (Those things being that Jody and the outcome of ARMY cadences never really go that well together.)

Okay, who am I kiddin’? Please, please, Pu-Lease…Let this one be ME!!!

Unfortunately, if it was me, I don’t have Total Recall of this event. Total as in None. No Recall.  ——-  Hmmmmm ——–

That was me thinking very hard about it. Nope. I got nothin’. (sigh)

Let’s just move along…quickly…

Okay, I’m coming…I’m coming…

Do you believe this chick? Is she a phony poser or what? Who does she think she is, anyway?

Obviously, she’s NOT Jody Love. (I think she JUST realized that too, based on her body language. Or maybe she’s realizing she could’ve had a V-8.)

Read your nametag, you nobody poser-chick.

Watley. Huh. W was never even close to L in the alphabet. I know this for certain because of that boy I once liked in my class whose last name was Winkleschlesscherheimerschmidt. Never once got to sit close to him – or even fantasize about one day being Jody Winkleschlesserheim…well, you get the idea.

Oh no! Expletive, no!

The vampire thing has been excessively overdone. Crispy. Burnt out.

If I have to sit through one more vampire story, somebody’s coffin up a good anti-HISS-tamine.

Could you please make a dental appointment for the Mistress of Dark Doom & Despair? And then help her pick out a pair of sunglasses that don’t combine two bygone decades. And a new name.

Double Oh No More ever again to this one!

Been there, got the doubly-stretched t-shirt already!

I wouldn’t mind convincing a few people this next one was me – the next time they were in need of a mouth stopper.

Sorry. That was very judgmental. I’m sure she’s a very nice gal who would never consider ripping your tonsils out of your throat if you hinted she might have a varicose vein or fifty.

She looks like she’s in some self-inflicted pain already by her expression, though. Either that, or she’s about to impress every teenage boy in the place with the one she’s working up…Let ‘er rip!

Continuing on in my search…

I ran across Jodie Foster, Jodi Arias (I can see where the spelling deviations would’ve sounded the same to Google); more porn pics, a horse (those last two didn’t go together), and Farrah Fawcett. (Yeah, I was confused about that one, too.)

In essence, I learned that only one image – one actual photo of me – shows up on Google connected with my name. Granted, it’s admittedly one of great character and for which I would want to be remembered by all posterity. I JUST believe it should make it somewhere further into the upper echelon of the googlearching. (I also think that’s what Google searching should be called.) I mean, if it came down to a naked chick modeling on a faux desert floor…or this, which would you be compelled to choose? (If your four-year-old kid was looking over your shoulder and asking questions to report back to mommy…)

This basically tells me that I’ve either got to do a much better job of marketing my brand…Just Jody…or, well, I’m going to have to start telling people I’m a porn star.

Trifextra for the weekend: A pair of fairy-tale endings

       The nerve!

His words made a loop through my mind:

Honey, we’ve been stuck in this paradigm too long,
budding dreams buried underneath mounding reality.”

Fantasy’s relationship potential began to topple to truth.

Fast forwarding to the next scene…

You’ve too much nerve for an ill-paid, two-bit reporter.

Honey, watch your princess paradigm topple underneath that veiled façade encasing you.

Viewing the news footage, my brain replayed our final conversation in loop.

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This weekend’s Trifecta challenge:

This weekend we are asking for exactly 33 words, 30 of your own and three of the following:

topple     paradigm     underneath    

nerve     honey     loop

Okay. Why not have it all in the numbers’ game?  I’ll see your 3 words & up you the other 3…plus the additional 27. Twice. (Which technically disqualifies me…so feel free to either pick from the pair or eject me, altogether, from the game. I always wanted to be the bad guy in one of those cheap-shot Westerns. “Give me a shot…of water…with a lemon…in a dirty glass. Um, or a clean one would do just fine, thank you.”)

In this numbers’ game, we had 6 words; I rolled out 66 with them – working towards achievement of the beastly 6-6-6, which is the Trifecta of “man’s numbers,” thus denotes that it never holds anything good for humankind. Sounds like it’s time to fold ‘em.)

Alas! Tragically, as the photo and the set of stories depict, neither we nor princesses, unfortunately, can always have it all – including the ever-elusive happily ever after.

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Credits:

I recall seeing this photo several years ago, but it’s now so prevalent on the Internet, it’s difficult to obtain an original credit (as no one seems to provide it). I linked to the following URL in obtaining this image: http://www.britishroyals.info

And truth in editing and such, I’ll not go so far as crediting Prince Charles with ever having the nerve to affectionately call Diana ‘honey’ either. (And maybe she was actually saying, ‘The Nerd!’ at the beginning. It’s sometimes difficult to get close enough to The Royals to be certain of what they truly mean.)

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Pics from my Very Short Spring

Despite the exceptionally wintry spring, here are a few representative pics of what has been Springing up around this time of year for me (sometimes with just a quick snap of my i-phone when something strikes my fancy, like my son playing baseball or the goslings at my work – and in all cases purely unedited, due to current time constraints).

Today’s quick post is in response to Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge on The Season of Spring.

Be sure to follow the link above to check out Cee’s lovely pics (as she’s much more the photographer – I’m just the picture taker), as well as many other beautiful representations.

Adding a Little Sweetness to Life

 

Just a little note to my blogging friends to say how very much I admire your work, as well as your thoughtful comments.

Please excuse any perceived absences in my own comments or visits as of late, as I’m currently re-mixing a batch of research methodology – and it’s taking quite a bit of taste-testing (as it’s still a little sour on my brain!).

 

Beyond that, it looks as if my son’s baseball team is headed to the State! (whoop whoop! But what a busy time that is!)

Meanwhile, I hope you’ll keep periodically stopping by the lemonade stand for a swig or two. :)

xo – j

Word of Mouth

It surprised me when she started to talk. I thought she’d already learnt her lesson; thought she’d learnt it well. Hadn’t we personally been burnt by others’ hateful remarks about our past? Yet there she was, right in the midst of that nasty little gaggle of busy-bodies who passed gossip around like it was a plate of afters ready to be devoured. The look on her face was what wounded me most – that look of pure satisfaction in herself as those spiteful words leapt from her hissing tongue. I couldn’t help but wonder to whom she was doing the most damage. I wasn’t sure how much was being done to her victim. Yet I was certain there was a great deal being heaped upon her soul. As the poisonous venom dripped off her tongue, the others greedily gobbled it up as if it were a tart, juicy piece of ripe fruit. Come to think of it, maybe it was – just like in the Garden of Eden.

 Tantalizing words that tangle the tongue,

Seduce the brain once the brash deed is done.

Back away!

Flee the wrath!

Their fire flicks the teeth,

meandering wrong paths

as if they have feet.

Oh, turn your head from their creative conception;

Their lustful spice will ruin your perception.

This sweet kiss bestowed will steer you towards death

by the one leaned so near,

who has poison on her breath.

© jody love 2013

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One picture + a 1st line prompt  (provided this week by Maggie, winner of thespeakeasy #108)

+ a little creative thought =