Googling Thyself Gives Greater Gasps than an Eye-sore!

Have you ever Googled yourself? I can fairly easily find myself in written works, but it was just this weekend that I thought about filtering by image only. Still not sure if this was a good idea, so that makes it all the more reason to share in a blog, right? Let me just go ahead and tell you, the results weren’t always pretty. In some instances, I might have even considered (figuratively) gouging my eye out!

If it wasn’t bad enough that I’ve had to live with remarks throughout my life such as, “Jody Loooove. Isn’t that the name of a porn star?”…now I can simply respond, “Yup, sure is.”

So, were you to google “me”, here are some of the things you might find:

Nope, uh-uh. Not me. (Though this photo alone could cause a drastic increase in blog hits this week.)

In full disclosure, I don’t ever recall lying around nude on a cracked desert floor with nightfall closing in – at least not with that color of toenail polish.  (Come to think of it, this would rate a perfect 10 on a statistician’s favorite joke list: “Hey, do you know what you get when you lay a naked model on a scorching desert floor with the chill of nightfall closing in? Well, she’d be pretty comfortable, on average.”)

If you’re wondering why I would have begun with this pic, this was the least risque of the photos that surrounded my initial search.

Once again, in case you came here because of the above photo. Not me. Which brings me to the next thought…I wonder how strange it is for a nude model or a porn star mom when her kids run across these things online? No, make that her kids’ friends. Life stinks for those kids, I guess, especially if they’re boys and their male friends start referring to their mother as a…well, you get the picture. Literally.

Bloody-nosed mess…

Well, then this pretty much came next. Again, not me. What a relief, right? I’m thinking so. Otherwise, I may need to go get my hormones checked. Or at least schedule an upper lip wax.

And what’s with this Logo, ‘Just Mugshots‘?

I’ve heard of a company ‘Just Foods’ (without all the additives, I presume). Then there’s this other company called ‘Just Sinks’ (I suppose that’s all they sunk their money into). Oh, and there’s some literary agency called ‘Just Think’ (which could’ve been a good logo to adopt before the need for the mug shot came about, I guess)…

But are JUST mugshots ALL this company does? That might JUST Stink – especially for the kid who keeps getting into trouble JUST before the picture-taking time of the school year. Maybe his mom JUST asks for a 5 X 7 from the processing area to frame. (Come to think of it, this might JUST be better than some every one of those school photos I’ve ever had taken.)

What I’m actually asking is…does ‘JUST’ mean they don’t add touch-ups even though you’re still supposed to be considered innocent at this point (because you’re JUST being processed & the fact that you’ve been paraded in a magazine for everyone who comes into the ‘Hop On In’ to smirk at you doesn’t mean anyone wanted you to be considered guilty yet)? Or was it completely JUST of them to make your photo look as scary as criminally possible, so nobody else would want to mess with you in the slammer if you JUST so happened to make the Jailhouse Wall of Fame?

Just sayin’…

Now here’s a better possibility, all things considered. (Those things being that Jody and the outcome of ARMY cadences never really go that well together.)

Okay, who am I kiddin’? Please, please, Pu-Lease…Let this one be ME!!!

Unfortunately, if it was me, I don’t have Total Recall of this event. Total as in None. No Recall.  ——-  Hmmmmm ——–

That was me thinking very hard about it. Nope. I got nothin’. (sigh)

Let’s just move along…quickly…

Okay, I’m coming…I’m coming…

Do you believe this chick? Is she a phony poser or what? Who does she think she is, anyway?

Obviously, she’s NOT Jody Love. (I think she JUST realized that too, based on her body language. Or maybe she’s realizing she could’ve had a V-8.)

Read your nametag, you nobody poser-chick.

Watley. Huh. W was never even close to L in the alphabet. I know this for certain because of that boy I once liked in my class whose last name was Winkleschlesscherheimerschmidt. Never once got to sit close to him – or even fantasize about one day being Jody Winkleschlesserheim…well, you get the idea.

Oh no! Expletive, no!

The vampire thing has been excessively overdone. Crispy. Burnt out.

If I have to sit through one more vampire story, somebody’s coffin up a good anti-HISS-tamine.

Could you please make a dental appointment for the Mistress of Dark Doom & Despair? And then help her pick out a pair of sunglasses that don’t combine two bygone decades. And a new name.

Double Oh No More ever again to this one!

Been there, got the doubly-stretched t-shirt already!

I wouldn’t mind convincing a few people this next one was me – the next time they were in need of a mouth stopper.

Sorry. That was very judgmental. I’m sure she’s a very nice gal who would never consider ripping your tonsils out of your throat if you hinted she might have a varicose vein or fifty.

She looks like she’s in some self-inflicted pain already by her expression, though. Either that, or she’s about to impress every teenage boy in the place with the one she’s working up…Let ‘er rip!

Continuing on in my search…

I ran across Jodie Foster, Jodi Arias (I can see where the spelling deviations would’ve sounded the same to Google); more porn pics, a horse (those last two didn’t go together), and Farrah Fawcett. (Yeah, I was confused about that one, too.)

In essence, I learned that only one image – one actual photo of me – shows up on Google connected with my name. Granted, it’s admittedly one of great character and for which I would want to be remembered by all posterity. I JUST believe it should make it somewhere further into the upper echelon of the googlearching. (I also think that’s what Google searching should be called.) I mean, if it came down to a naked chick modeling on a faux desert floor…or this, which would you be compelled to choose? (If your four-year-old kid was looking over your shoulder and asking questions to report back to mommy…)

This basically tells me that I’ve either got to do a much better job of marketing my brand…Just Jody…or, well, I’m going to have to start telling people I’m a porn star.

2 thoughts on “Googling Thyself Gives Greater Gasps than an Eye-sore!

    • I might be worried, Joe, were it not for the fact that, as you can attest for yourself from my own pics, I have a personalized mug shot, big enough muscles to fend for myself…oh, and vampire teeth.

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