Top 10 Ways to Avoid being Perceived as the Holiday Jerk: Wrap it Up!

Steve Martin as "The Jerk"

Since it’s unlikely that any of us can be as proficient (or make as much money) as Steve Martin being “The Jerk”…

As you wrap up 2012, making your lists & checking them twice

probably best to check your “jerkiness potential” during this holiday season.

Let’s do this “David Letterman” style – with a Top 10 Count-down to Number 1:


10. You might frustrate recipients of your postcard that you’ve sent from your swanky tropical paradise island with the words, “Happy Holidays! Wish you were here!” when you know good and well if you’d wanted them to be there, you would’ve invited them. Better yet, you might’ve paid their way as a gift for the holidays — if you’d REALLY meant it!

dogs-in-a-manger219. Putting your cat in the manger of the neighborhood nativity scene and telling everybody who comes by that you have the cutest baby Jesus ever this year might put some people on edge – or just make all the townspeople call you the crazy cat lady. (Don’t you dare tell them you really named that cat Jesus, either, just for this special occasion!)

temper tantrum8. You really need to rethink that idea about spoofing your temper-tantrum-throwing kids with your stupid pranky present ideas (that really aren’t that funny – no, really, they’re not funny at all), just so late-night drunken viewers can spew their beer out their noses while laughing over Jimmy Kimmel’s ratings, when those viewers won’t even remember what they saw the next morning anyway.

reindeer7. Throwing your dog’s feces from your yard onto the neighbor’s roof that sits at a level below your house to prove to your kids that reindeer came through on Christmas Eve could start a Christmas day neighborhood brawl.

*temp*6. Listen, Cutie. You might want to carefully review how to go about asking to borrow the sweater of the mom of that guy you hope to call your fiancé by next year – (you know, the sweater she wore to last night’s holiday outing) – just because you and your besties think it would be absolutely perfect for your Tacky Holiday Fashion Fun get-together.

5. goofyMen, it’s probably best not to laugh obnoxiously too many times at the holiday dinner table while proclaiming, over and over again ad nauseam, that money’s always the best gift because picking your present should be like picking your nose – it should be something only your wife does for you.

nonono4. Guys, it’s probably not a good idea to insist on holding the family’s holiday feast at one of the booming ‘breastaurants’ because they have “ample portions” and the servers’ outfits say “Ho Ho Ho” on them.hohoho

3. Repeatedly going up to your own lady and shouting, “Merry Christmas, Ho, Ho, Ho!” – then adding, “Get it? I just called you a Ho, Ho, Ho,” stands a good chance of getting yourself on the “Not so Nice & you can go somewhere that will never have a snowball’s chance of being as cold as the North Pole” list.

Apparently, this gal was saying “Keep your mitts off, Jerk!”

Apparently, this gal was saying “Keep your mitts off, Jerk!”

christmas-debt-young-woman2.  Avoid making purchases for yourself with the gift-giver’s credit card so that person can be lucky enough to get you exactly what you wanted for Christmas (particularly if that person didn’t even know you had possession of his/her credit card).

dirtySanta1.  Finally, please reconsider the idea of wrapping yourself (or especially individual body parts) up and saying things to your significant other such as, “I was thinking of you when I got this.”

So, wanna’ get off the “Jerk” list for this holiday season?

Think outside of the box (and yourself) & give inside this box:

Click the “NO MORE MALARIA” Wreath above to give a $10 gift that will SAVE A LIFE !

Yes, that’s what I said.

10 bucks.

It really can SAVE A LIFE!

You’d be a Real Jerk not to consider doing it.


For other “Top Lists” of the year, visit WordPress Weekly Writing Challenge: Wrap It Up

One thought on “Top 10 Ways to Avoid being Perceived as the Holiday Jerk: Wrap it Up!

  1. Pingback: Christmas Surprise?! « humanTriumphant

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