Speaking of the U.S. Vice Presidential Debates…

I can’t believe neither party thought to name

Johnny Depp

as a running mate.  

At least the acting would have been more palatable.

“Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest.
Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for.”      -Depp


Think of all the political faces and supporting agenda he could have handled at the table:

  • Willy Wonka – could’ve passed out candy for multiple voter application treats.

  • Captain Jack Sparrow – could have amply displayed vacillating leadership skills; and at least would have made the debate more entertaining by adding, “Savvy, love.” Furthermore, when disagreeing with his opponent, he could’ve blurted out, “You don’t know Jack!” (Mostly, we could’ve just gotten him to break out the rum to help us forget all our woes.)

  • Edward Scissorhands – easily could have demonstrated skills for trimming back defense spending (or at least have offered some nicely sculpted curb appeal).

  • Sweeney Todd – could put a swift end to the blood-soaked argument of dying welfare and social security plans, then convince us we don’t want our slice of that pie anyway.

  • Mad Hatter – would randomly call in the TEA party to try to answer all unanswerable political riddles.

  • Rango – he’s a chameleon; we can just leave it at that.

  • Victor Van Dort (from the Corpse Bride) – well practiced at dancing around the marital rights issue.

  • Barnabus Collins – could pull off some great smoke and mirror tricks with his political maneuvers (ultimately sucking the life out of us like any ordinary politician).

  • Ichabod Crane – when constituents finally get fed up and yell “off with his head,” we might have greater success than did the Queen with the Hatter (of course, the queen is busy these days trying to keep the next generation of monarchy in clothing).

3 thoughts on “Speaking of the U.S. Vice Presidential Debates…

  1. Pingback: Howl-O (No)-Ween (us from the) Elections « humanTriumphant

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