Daily Post Prompt: Much Ado About NOTHING

Today’s Daily Post prompt was:  to take a complicated subject I know more about than most people, and explain it to a friend who knows NOTHING about it at all.

Gosh, that’s easy.

I know a lot…about NOTHING.

That being the case, I thought I’d share my expertise about NOTHING with you.

Genesis tells us that, “in the beginning…” (that’s how things usually start – at the beginning, so it makes sense that Genesis 1:1 would begin that way – you know, like Step 1.1 in an instruction manual).

Anyway, in the beginning, “…the earth was void” (Gen. 1:2). Webster defines ‘void’ as a completely empty space. In my personal expertise opinion on NOTHING, I’m going with a meaning of NOTHINGNESS on that one.

So, you see, my amateur mentees, in my complicated expert opinion, EVERYTHING (of any importance to your existence anyway) clearly begins with NOTHING.

If EVERYTHING, then, comes from NOTHING, this would aptly explain why so many people want to make much ado over it (‘it’ referring to absolutely NOTHING).

NOTHINGNESS, you see, has a certain amount of vision to it. Sergeant Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes was adept at seeing NOTHING.  (You can see him seeing nothing here.)

NOTHING cannot be ignored, as it will show up in many aspects of your life. Sometimes, NOTHING can serve a dual purpose. For instance, NOTHING is so proficient that it can be portrayed mathematically and in song at the same time. NOTHING might even be responsible for making your toes tap to Billy Preston belting out:

“NOTHING from NOTHING leaves NOTHING…”

(You can try that out here, if you’d like – or just keep doing what you do best – NOTHING at all.)

Here are some other important aspects of your life about which you should be aware that NOTHING is responsible:

GENERAL BOREDOM:

• What’s there to watch on television tonight?

  NOTHING!

• What did you do all summer on your break?

  NOTHING!

RELATIONAL IMPASSES:

• What (in the world /or/ the addition of some expletive you decide to insert) is wrong with you?!

  NOTHING!

• What, exactly, is it that you want from me?!?!

  NOTHING!

• What surprise did your husband plan for your anniversary?

  NOTHING!

• What did your boyfriend say when you brought up the idea of marriage?

  NOTHING.

PARENTAL PANIC:

• Johnny, what are you and your five siblings doing up there, where I can’t see you? <CRASH>

  Oh…NOTHING.

• What did you and your new boyfriend do for the last 4 hours on your first car date ever?

  Oh…NOTHING.

DIETING DISASTERS:

• Do you know what I’ve had to eat all day?!

  NOTHING! 
  (Note that you are slamming back a whole box of Twinkies & chasing them down with a 6-pack as you say it.)

CORRESPONDENCE SNAFUS:

• So what did you hear back on that query letter you sent to the 1,037^th book agent?       
  …………

Unfortunately, I can’t allow myself to disclose EVERYTHING to you that I know about NOTHING. Otherwise, I would no longer be the resident expert here on NOTHING – which would, then, grammatically mean that I would become an authority on SOMETHING – and that is not the case of my expertise.

So, you see, my uninformed friends, I know you are impressively asking yourself after this read, “What could she possibly not know about NOTHING?”

Your answer, of course, is a very obvious one, I should think:                                                    
(For your post-assessment, I’ll allow you to fill in this blank – I hope with…NOTHING!)

I would now encourage each of you to share your own vastly limited knowledge about NOTHING (as it surely cannot be as expansive as my own knowledge about NOTHING, though clearly your boundaries of NOTHINGNESS have surely spread after this reading. At the very least, you are no longer completely void on the matter.) Yet, I can only encourage you to do so as long as you remember who it is that is the utmost authority on this subject – and that absolutely NOTHING you say is going to change that — in my mind, anyway!

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